Know Who You Are Talking To


Zemirah Jazwierska-0005bWithin you, within each of us, I believe there are two “selves.”  There’s this little self who seems to emerge from the mind.  And there is the Wise Self, who comes from the heart, the essence of you.

When the little self is at the cockpit of your thoughts, there is lots of chatter.  Most thoughts originating from here include a judgement of some sort, a “knowing everything.”  Thoughts usually contain the words “shouldn’t or should,”  or “right or wrong,” and you end up feeling icky as a result.  There is much attachment to the way things “should” be and there is a sense that if just some things in the world would change, whether it be your kids not fighting, your partner picking up his socks, or your co-worker learning a bit of modesty, then you would be happy, feel better, find contentment.  The little self is intent on being right, on justifying every thought or move.  And the little self doesn’t speak very kindly either, it’s full of  the sad C’s:  criticism, competition, and comparison. When the little self is in charge, you might be prone to yelling to get your point across, arguing and debating till the sun goes down, or whining about each little thing that isn’t “right.”  Pretty much thinking that loops around and around and doesn’t get tired very quickly, although it’s very tiresome.

The Wise Self, on the other hand, is that place in you that comes from the heart.  It is your constant knowing Self.  It is the Self of spaciousness, the Self who is infinitely content, infinitely joyful, infinitely from love.  It is the Self who just IS.  When people tell you to just BE, they are asking you to connect with this Wise, change-less Self.  This Self knows no-thing.  It trusts in the Infinite power of the Universe to hold up the stars.  It Is the Infinite power of the Universe.  Aligned effortlessly with life.  The Wise Self has nothing to DO to BE.  It just IS.  This Self is the consciousness within you.  It sense the big perspective of life and urges you to let go and simply allow.  It does not judge, content on allowing the larger Life to lead the way.  When you are listening and communicating and connecting with this Self, you feel good, free and at peace to allow life to simply flow.  It doesn’t mean that you like the conditions that life is presenting, it just means that you have a sense of, okay…., of acceptance and allowing and seeing what you want to do about it.  This Wise Self understands that you are beautiful, awesome and LOVE in your essence and that nothing can ever change that.  The Wise Self is your heart, your love, your inherent awesomeness.

Each self is communicating with you at all times.  When the little self is at the controls, you tend to feel bad.  When your Wise Self is at the controls, you feel good.  When you encounter a difficult or sticky situation, begin to pay attention to how you are feeling.  This will give you the clue as to which self is at the controls.  If it is your little self, stop, do not pass go, do not move if you want more peace!  Making decisions or moving from this place will create less flow in your life. To return to your Wise Self in these moments, breathe, calm yourself in the moment, consciously let go a little and just wait.   Your Wise Self will appear in your awareness.  You will feel better.  When you are cool, calm and collected, your Wise Self is always in charge.   Over time, more and more, you will begin notice the difference and navigate from there.

The same is true for relating to others.  Know who you are talking to!  If you are meeting arguing, defensiveness, judgement, a battle of wills, competition, one-upmanship, or a debate on the “rightness” of things, then you are dealing with the other person’s little self.  Best to wait until they are cool, calm, and collected so that you are talking with their Wise Self.   Walk away, take a break, crack a joke, but DO NOT ENGAGE if you want peace.  Same goes for your children as well.   If your child is having a stressed out moment, either support him in getting to a cool, calm and collected place, or give a few moments to calm down.  Rationalizing with a little self in control is challenging.  Sometimes, diversionary tactics work to shift the person out of little self behaviors or thoughts.  Joking, laughing about a random thing, sitting down to model calm behavior yourself, can work to snap the person out of it.  But, however, that is only if you want to.  Taking care of you and connecting with your Wise Self is your job, as is their connection to their own Wise Self.

So, notice who is talking when you are interacting with yourself and others.  Pay attention.  If your little self is running wild all over your life today, no worries, no resistance, simply hit the pause button and relax, breathing for a moment.   In letting go, your Wise Self is able to lead.


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