For years I chased love outside myself in the form of Prince Charmings, career and money. I thought if I just…..fill in the blank….had enough….fill in the blank again…I would find sustainable joy and peace. What I didn’t realize was that I was running from myself. All this chasing was a diversionary tactic to avoid the fact that I really didn’t know deeply who I was and wasn’t very connected to my heart. And, furthermore, the more I chased something and appeared to attain it, the more it would slip between my fingers. I was chasing things in the world of form, the world of conditions, the world of constant CHANGE. As a result I was perpetually unsatisfied. Once I attained the object of my desire, it would change! Ugh. So much work. So little joy and satisfaction and certainly no peace.
That’s when I decided to stop. I hit the pause button in a really big way and decided to sit still and just feel for a while. I pulled back from social engagements. I turned within and began to write. For the first time in a consistent way, I began to just BE with ME. At first it was so very uncomfortable and, to be honest, I was a little bored. I wasn’t getting the attention or recognition from outside myself that I was used to basing my good feelings upon. I felt a little anxious as well and wanted to wiggle out of it. But, I stayed the course. Pretty soon I began to feel….REALLY good!. As I went about my daily usual interactions I focused on really noticing how I was feeling and remembering that I was at choice in every moment. I remembered that I got to decide how to feel and what to think. The more I did this, the better and better I felt. The anxiety faded. The boredom blossomed into a big curiosity. The more I stayed present with me and felt into my heart, the more I began to understand all the noise behind my actions and my reactions. It felt so very good. And, I noticed that the ups and downs of my emotional roller coaster were much much less and I experienced a more stable feeling of peace. I just was. The great statement “I AM” finally began to make sense.
This was the beginning of my relationship to myself, a relationship that continues to deepen and deepen into my heart center. Living from the heart I have found to become easier and easier the more present I stay, the more I remember to return again and again within myself and let go of the outside world, even for just a minute, I FEEL ME. This heart relationship is constant. My being-ness never changes. Deep within my heart I am ME no matter what external conditions I am surrounded with. My heart, the love that I am never changes and I can depend on that.
This is why I say that the relationship You to You is the very most important. It is the one that is always with you throughout your entire life and if you aren’t deeply fond of you, then how can sustainable joy and peace ever be attainable in the world of change and constantly changing conditions?
I encourage you to breathe deep. Take a couple of moments today to really deeply connect with yourself and touch the wonder and love within your own heart. Nothing to DO there, just BE for a moment and notice how you feel. Do this more and more and your relationship with yourself will deepen more and more into a constant joy and a constant peace.
Radiate grace dear beautiful one!!!!